Having finally got around to watching ‘Naked Attraction’ (to see what the fuss is about, not just look at naked body parts) I am now convinced I have a plethora of shows that Channel 4 would buy.
So let’s kick things off…
Meow Meows on Meow Meow
Cats are given the legal high “meow meow”, their exploits are filmed as hilarity ensues. Hosted by Cat Deeley.
Naked Attraction – Black Widow Edition
After picking a male, the female contestant has the opportunity to kill her mate and take his share of the money he received for appearing on the show. Hosted by Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Seahorseman – could you do it?
The seahorse is the only creature where the male has a truly reversed pregnancy. In a groundbreaking piece of scientific documentary, David Attenborough and Jeff Brazier put five men to the test to see if they could deal with the toll pregnancy takes on the female body.The show sees men dealing with a series of tasks designed to simulate pregnancy e.g. carrying pregnancy ‘weights’ that are in line with a normal, human pregnancy, given drugs to make them sick in the morning, are given pre-determined cravings they must have and fulfil at certain points during the nine month period.
Come Down With Me
Lilly Allen hosts this E4 groundbreaker in which a group of young adults go to a rave and then for an ‘after-cotch’ at one of their houses. Guests are rated for their rejuvenating hosting powers such as a provision of blankets, music selection, Haribo and positive vibes. The winner at the end of the week is given a 7-day trip to Ibiza.
Snatch of the Day
Making Crimewatch more accessible for Millennials and Generation Xers, Winona Ryder presents highlights of the week’s shoplifting activities – sourced via CCTV images from around the country.As well as appealing for information leading to arrests, Winona Ryder analyses the attacking methods used by the shoplifters, while Idris Elba – in character as DCI Luther – analyses defence techniques by getting into the psyche of criminals and shouting “OH NO” a lot.
Game of Tones
We go behind the scenes to meet the people who are responsible for devising the standardised ringtones for each carrier. From Apple to Samsung, Nokia to BlackBerry we take you on a binary journey to explore what makes a perfect standard ringtone, be it the classic iPhone strum, or Nokia’s “Grand Vals” we determine what qualities a standard ringtone should have.In a Christmas special, Gareth Malone goes to a shit school in South London and challenges the kids to make their own ringtone. After much trials, tribulations, heartache and lessons learnt, the ringtone reaches number one and stays there for 12 weeks.
Strictly Come Lancing
Capitalising on the internet sensation that is ‘Pimple Porn’, a celebrity and their GP come on stage to see who can lance the best spot/zit/pimple live on stage.Training midweek includes not washing, applying grease to face and eating fatty foods to try and produce the most mouth-watering puss-filled mega zit for the live show. Points are awarded for colour, speed of removal, amount of puss and pain received. You receive an instant bye to the next round if your zit hits the mirror provided.